Bobby and Sherrye you two are realy great and thank you for your help.
yes, my problems began very early...when i was 15 years old my mother left me. My parents divorced, my father moved to another town (i didnt see my father 10 years), my mother married again and she moved to Switzerland.
I was lost, lonely and i miss safety, parents love etc. I have always felt that my mother didnt love me very much, she always repeat how my father and i are alike. I didnt see my mother a lot and when she come to visit me she didnt have a nice word for me or warm hug...and i miss that very much.
Then i meet my first boyfriend we were very young and i attached to him very much...that was wrong. I didnt want to leave him, he was doing very bad things to me and i didnt know how to defend myself...he beat me, one time he pee on me in front of my friends. In this time my depression started, i was so sad and i have a lot of pain inside i want to die. I started physicsly hurt myself, one day i went to far and i cut my veins. When i was 18 years old I have abortion and he do this intentionally (long story). After three years i finally left him.
Since then i have two seriously relationship and all this time i was receiving treatmanet for depression and panci attacks.
My last relationship has an important role in my life. I realy love this guy and he loved me...i felted. We are been together almost 6 years and we live together. On 30 September 2007 i left him...i dont know exectly why, but i did this and this was my mistake. I have always problem how to show my love to others and how to accept love. But this is only thing i want...I want love but when i recive love I dont know how to handle. After three months i told him about this, i told him that i love him but he didnt want me anymore. Now is dating my »friend«. She vas his friend too when we are been together. I never think that he could do something like that. She is very opposite with me im very feminen and she looks like a boy ...maybe he is helling his ego in this vay. I know i was his big love but he dont know that love is not just a fairy tale and if you realy love someone you must go over self and forgive things.
When my father die he was with me...my father change lock on his door, he lock himself and died in his flat. His neighbour called me...my father was death for three or more days in his flat, i must call police and firemans to break into my fathers flat...he was lying there all cold . Tough times. My boyfriends love save me this time and he will be in my heart for always.
im thinking to move to other country for a while but first i must finish my school here.
On astro. com i read about my saturn square saturn in October 2009. What do you think about that? I dont know about astrology much but this is not good?
You write that will be a lots of changes in my life ...hope and expect the good one
but in the other hand i have nothing more to lose....so why fear
One more time, thank you!!! and sorry for my English :D